a terrible painter, a dreamer, a rebel , a feminist and a self certified bisexual Witch. Who is always trying to visualize whats on the other side of the canvas she paints,just another human- Living alive Life. Now also a green tea addict.

Monday, 30 November 2015

Hobo Diary- 2 (Hairy) No-Trim November


Last year when I was tweeting randomly, which I tend to do every now and then when I am super bored or drunk on queer rights, I found an interesting picture one of my tweeter followers had tagged me failing to identify my gender. It was an image of a standalone mass of hair, which reminded of Hagrid without a real facial outline and below I found the hashtag No-shave November. Without knowing the meaning, I forwarded the image to all my male buddies. As a result, few of them got interested in it and after reading about it on Wikipedia I figured what this celebration of beard was for. Which I assume most of us know it’s about spreading awareness about Male Cancer and Sexual Health, and you donate the money you saved without shaving for a month. By fifteenth of that month a year back, whole internet (people on my social media platform) was crazy, the men population, to be particular and many of my boyfriends were walking with their dark unkempt mane.

Here I am a person of the opposite gender who loves beard and mustache! I mean my father was bound to give competition to any superstar in 70s from Dravidian Belt of film industry with his handlebar mustache, alas now he prefers to remain clean shaved! And I hate it, I hate it bad. My grandfather was more of a cynical jolly who carried the Chaplin-Hitler look with confidence. Now my cute cousin brother has grown up and boy he carries the beard so well. My brother-in-law carries the Amitabh Bacchan French cut with ease. My chubby teacher (mentor) turns into a really good looking guy when he carries four or five layers of five ‘o’clock beard! I discard my friends’ fianc├ęs’ on the grounds of facial hair. I even have crush after manga and comic characters who have beard and Trafalgar Law rocks the world with his goatee and Vira is women killer Aghori with tame-less beard! By that standards of real and imaginary giddy men around me, I am bound to fall in love with bearded hunks or man without any facial hair. Its extremes for me, middle ground won’t do!

So this year when No-shave November returned, I was more excited than the lazy guys around me, but I am a girl and I don’t have beard! Since my tendencies always have been unisex I decided to participate in No-shave November! Yes, I know, I don’t have beard that I could grow and flaunt (another reason I wanted to be boy, period problem is at bottom of that list, not having beard is at top). If my gender was not discouraging enough, my gender holders sure were! But I do have two tiny hands, a pair of really good legs, underarms and ahem-ahem parts! Hence I took out batteries from my trimmer (a gift from my generous metrosexual brother-in-law). For one month I decided to go No-Trim November! I was hell bent to participate in No-Shave November! Either way no one was stopping me...

Here is how I look now thirty days later!

P.S- Don’t I look cute?

thanking you to bear with me

Friday, 27 November 2015

dogs & god after Small Things

Photo Credit- To rightful Creator, I found it in google

My fondness with dogs and other creature is a family heirloom that is encoded in my genes. The bag I carry to my university always has small packs of biscuits in it, I carry it thinking of possible what if situations- a long face, beady eyed creature comes wagging its tail at me? Or a hungry little puppy rolls at my legs, I choose to be prepared. Often at times those biscuits have even saved starving humans too after six hours of non-stop classes. Occasionally I have eye contacts with another species, the feline, they and I, we were match made in hell. They lock their eyes on mine and so do I on the marble eyes which they proudly flaunt when they are climbing up walls, running after birds or hiding behind the bush, we have our moments of mutual recognition and respect. The goats and the cows to seem to have found a spot in my heart, many a times I have chased them out of the garden with sticks for eating up the plants and flowers, but alas I crumble into pieces when they stare at me with absolute concentration. If we draw a borderline to this fondness its equivalent to love.

That doesn’t mean I am a vegetarian who fights for animal rights. I love chicken and eggs and I am not giving up on them anytime soon. When I go to stinking chicken market with my father, I do feel bad for the white birds caged in the webbed bamboo basket, but that feeling of ‘bad’ passes away when I see a plate of delicious methi chicken or rezala or chicken curry. To me at that moment the white chicken existed to feed me and that’s the end of its story. Today when my friends and I we decided to sip black coffee in the pseudo-Japanese inspired restaurant, we consciously asked for crispy baby corn but the food god made sure we ate crispy chicken instead. Hence being vegetarian is off my charts yet my love for creatures is growing higher, now days I have started conversing with crows too.

Almost every night I feed stray dogs, it’s a habit for last four years now. When I was in home I used to feed my leftover food and extra rice cooked, to the creatures who strolled outside my home. Sometimes I fed five dogs at times one tiny puppy, various nights a big ox came and ate up everything I left for dogs on the culvert, sometimes I kept whistling in cold January night but none of the nincompoops came and my cheeks burned. When last year I moved into my PG, I had the big dilemma about putting the large amount of leftover food to good use. I dislike wastage of food. It’s a point of priority for me to see them in good place. This tendency of mine might have resulted in helping ants store more food in winter, birds flying past my window searching bread crumbs and rats rolling in my dustbin etc. & etc. So a year back my left over food found itself providing energy to one creature.

It was white and brown starving creature, its ribs were sticking out and its legs were weak. It had no name, like he really cared about a name in his condition. But none the less it got named by my ex-roommate. Surprisingly the same name has stuck to any dog that comes to eat at night be it a male or female. If the number of dogs is more than one we just add a lonely ‘s’ behind the name, hence Chintu becomes Chintus. Now a days I have half a dozen of Chintus and my biggest headache is that quantity of my leftover food is that of one steel tiffin box. Dividing between two or three Chintus is fine but dividing between six a battle.

Every night I have to make sure each Chintu is at three arm’s length from others or else the stronger of the lot tries to eat up weaker’s share. That’s when I get to see the phrase ‘Dog eat Dog World’ come to life. Most nights I stand between them to end up yelling and hissing like a snake in heat so that each cadet remains at its position. Ironically or unfortunately, I have no idea which word I should use here, I can’t stop overflow of common curious thoughts watching my children fight.
The strays have a reason to fight, most of the day they are starving and it’s in their blood, call of instinct that guides them to snatch others food. The story of ‘Greedy Dog’ always surfaces in my head. The human rules of courtesy and sharing don’t apply to them and it should not apply on them. The huge monkeys that hang from wild unnamed trees near and at my university have much knowledge of sharing, yet they too do fight for food. Everyone wants to survive and I see nothing wrong in that. But I can’t stop myself comparing the dogs to humans.

This comparison doesn’t come because of reading too much into Dalit Literature, I have always attached animal qualities to human and same has been done to me. My upturn nose has equaled me to a pig, my loyalty towards my friends and at times yelling nature is like that of a master and dog’s or my teeth have been compared to that of rabbits sadly rabbits have better symmetry. I always think my elder sister is the combination of serpent from Bible and Cheshire Cat while my dearest brother-in-law is the weed smoking Caterpillar. This imagination of mine extends to infinite planes and I have never ending list.

When I see my stray children fighting I realize we all are doing the same. Before we are given our share of food we are patient and eagerly waiting, once we are given our share of food we are busy trying to snatch others plate. In this moment of scaring the immediate weaker of all, the strongest dog becomes a fool. He leaves his share of food to gobble up others share but fails to realize the Beta of the group swiftly eats up his own share and empties Alpha’s share as well while the Alpha is busy threatening the weak. This is a very childish and animalistic and simplified version of the present world situation. We thrive on others weakness, we snatch away others opportunities and portion of credit, we are busy plotting others downfall, but we forget while we dwell in the ill-works their is someone else who is going to do the same to us, taking away the big things while we swell on small things.

When I read Dalit Literature, I feel that we humans are capable of all the extremist. We can be really good and we can be cruelest of all. Its funny Good doesn’t have to turn into ‘Goodest’ (I know we have best from good and worst for bad and Kindest counters Cruelest). Our creative agencies have made us unstable creatures who are capable of systematic cruelty and clean evil. Negative capability is high in us which poor Keats had predicted perfectly. We can organize and have been organizing our bad deeds into pouches sprouting at various branches for eras now. We differ from dogs; we are not honest enough to snatch the food out in open. We are more layered, it’s not instinct to live that guides us it’s our desire to be the only one who enjoys all the resources in the small world that guide us.    

While my dogs try to be chummy with others share I feel like the Communist God of small things, I try to keep a balance and share the food between six noise makers. I exercise an unseen power only the Provider can do. But there is trouble in my stray paradise as well, once I turn around the brows frown and stick up, the fangs bare up and the voices begin to crackle. Even as the Provider I am afraid of them, I don’t own them I just am the temporary agency that feeds them, they had been surviving before I came, they have lived fine without my interference and they can survive after I leave this place. They take away the power I have on them by making them less hungry and this makes me doubt my position as the god of small things.      

Photo Credit- To rightful Creator, I found it in google

P.S- I am disturbed by many things presently, Paris Attack, Cow Mania and Political Instability are least of the disturbing elements in the long list of ill elements. I am mostly disturbed by the thought of upcoming Semester Finals!

thanking you to bear with me

Friday, 13 November 2015

Graduated To Honeymoon.

On twenty ninth of last month, I finally did it! No you dirty minded reader buddies not that ‘did’. Yes you all who have been reading my blog for last four years, I did it, by you I mean both real life and imaginary readers I have. I finally travelled alone, alone in the sense where I had no parents with me or my elder sister and my brother-in-law but my best friend.

My university loves festivals; hence I got a month long vacation. Now that my second sets of parents are no longer living in city of joy, I had no other option but return home. I so wish I had a cat loving aunt living in the hills. Alas I have to settle for a cat loving mom in the valley. And this woman who is my mother had conspired with her husband to assault me with food. In last one month I have been fed up to my brains, my once less bulging tummy is now flubbing above my waist band.

My eight girl friends and I we had been planning on a girl trip before completing our undergrad to celebrate our passing out. But after graduation each of us got busy, some went to look for job another opted for career change and I left home. The supposed graduation got delayed and delayed. This time we finally decided that we had to go. Tada..... here comes the lesson of my life. Have I ever got anything easily? The answer is no, hard work is always my way.

After fighting, grumbling and having glaring contest with my parents and totally being ignored my brother-in-law, I took the matter in my own hands. On the other hand the number of girls for our trip was dropping like sensex from eight. My walking mate and I we had been drumming about our coming of age ceremony for months now. Before we could take this test of courage our battalion fell apart and only three brave solders stood.

On twenty eighth, our third last foot soldier crumbled under parental love. My Walking mate got furious while my parents got a chance to detain me. But my Walking mate did something extraordinary. She packed her bags and dropped at my door in the evening. At that moment we knew it was now or never. We chose now.
Sadly the people, who grow up in the safer zones of North East, fear their own geographical monstrosity. I understand what our parents feared and why they tried to stop us. Kidnappings, Landslides, blasts, highway traffic, bandhs and chaos is part of our upbringing (Yes many can counter attack me right now about my using North East as umbrella term, let’s face it buddies our fears are different compared to rest of India).

So on twenty ninth morning, we took our Test Of Courage, we boarded our train at 5am and my buddy and I we were off to Shillong- The Scotland of India! Though my Walking mate is a lazy princess and photo maniac, I was so glad I never took my digital camera and I locked my phone up so she could not see the pictures I took. She would crawl inside the blanket and I had to pull her out first day, on second day I had to message her aching legs so that we could eat dinner! Since we had booked ourselves pretty expensive room we got treated like princess on diplomatic tour. We ate in bakeries, saw the seven points and had gala time walking around. We enjoyed a lot and had a great time like honeymoon couples! The woman who runs the shop on Shillong Peak, a shop where we can wear traditional Kahsi clothes and take picture gave us a free copy! Many tourists took our pictures thinking we are Khasi girls, for that moment we were like celebrity! Then we became Alice lost in wonderland, in our case shoeland. We returned safely but with empty pockets! We spent our entire savings of last three months in four day long trip. But in the end it was worth it. Here are few snaps our trips

Our Lobby..

someone rolled in it

And she crawled back

Wards Lake

wards lake

yes we did eat a lot

Golf Course

Pine collector

view from Shillong Peak

Elephant Falls

Lady Hydari Park

One greedy dog we met

Food again

P.S- Photo credits to my BekarBerrry! Next we are going Bhutan, we have too..

thanking you to bear with me