a terrible painter, a dreamer, a rebel , a feminist and a self certified bisexual Witch. Who is always trying to visualize whats on the other side of the canvas she paints,just another human- Living alive Life. Now also a green tea addict.

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

'Hmm-ing' Birds!




belongs to rightful creator



I have many chatting friends, thanks to social media, fanfiction and this blog, I have made friends who exchange emails with me on various topics we enjoy passions for. Few of them exchange skype id and some trust me with phone numbers and we end up chatting in the greatest invention of our century- WhatsAap. I as an individual have created a web of virtual relations, where I have met haters, fellow queers, crazy otakus, geeks, philosophers and gossipmongers too! I have created countless harmless bonds which are both productive and educating.

Among these unknown friends, I have been talking to certain someone for few weeks now. Talking to that person has made my mind tickle, a thought has sprouted in my head that though we have various means to communicate now, our communication has become short, to the point, precise and fragmented. They and I we often come to a screen zone where we are stuck at a ‘smileie’ or ‘hmm’.  A frozen space where our fingers move in slow motion and mind works in other time frame where this small hmm and emocation keeps the thread alive. That person calls it small talk I call it running out of words.

That person is not the only one who endures the small talk with me, but each of us, the children of virtual world have faced this silence where you can see the person is online, invisible eyes blinking for your reply and you have no words for them. Now days saying goodnight has become tough too, you are online but want to end talk with certain friend and chat with someone else, but a psychological war happens before we type the bye!  It’s frustrating!

Derek Haines in his blog complained about this form of virtual communication, a critical and satiric piece published in his blog three years back. His complain was the very same, that we are more connected but far apart. He brings example of his family, on how he talks to his eldest daughter through mails and chat. My mother complains about how my reply on WhatsAap are becoming shorter with every passing day. I used to reply yes to her long questions, now I have shifted to 'yo' and to her its horrifying! 

Instead of a call we type a message and send it like we dropping a letter in the letterbox without much attachment. Only here our messages are too short and broken. It’s a place where you has become u, though has become thou, D for thee and the best examples are emocations, before we used alphabets and numerical to illustrate our feelings, now we just select emojis and send stickers to show our feelings!

I who can rant in this blog for ages, debate on tweeter in 140 characters, writes fanfiction to marry her favourtie characters, I can type long status updates on Facebook. And that me who has been certified talkative since her first day at school has often run out of topics to chat upon, rather type on. From my perspective it’s a crisis! Its bloody crisis of the world!


We begin with a hello, oh no not even hello, that’s a greeting of an ancient time where our elder siblings belong, a ‘hi’ may be is what we type, after chatting for fifteen minutes we end up in an ‘hmm’.

We become hmming birds! in every five minutes! Again we start at a topic and again we stop, a cycle of typing, seeing and being online. Hope, frustration, irritation, anger and hope again! 

After that there is silence on the screen and darkness in our mind! And we keep wondering whether it should be an emocation in reply or a longer 'hmmmm' next. 

P.S- But what lies beyond the hmming?


thanking you to bear with me
paulOaries. 


Friday, 26 June 2015

Laugh it Off!



DonQuixote Doflamingo, its the Manga Version of the Dialogue below


In recent chapters and episodes of One Piece (My favourite Manga Series of all time) the current villain Doflamingo gives a very important statement. ‘I am laughing because I can’t get angrier than this’ as the actual Japanese translation stands on my screen, which is different from the Manga version above. At that moment I realized this ironhearted  bastard is speaking the thoughts of my mind. Sitting and swiping pages of the manga I had a sudden rise of sympathy instead of hate for one of the greatest Villains ever!

I have had situations of absolute hopelessness many times, it’s not first time that I am ranting about frustration here on this blog. I have had broken laptop before, I had to leave college of my dreams for some stupid reason, I had hanging cell phone before, I had no balance in cell phone and that was the day many important things were happening, I had got myself debarred from using my debit card for forty eight hours when I had not a single rupee in bag. I have survived the worse.

Over last twenty one years I have figured one thing, it’s my life’s truth! Technology and I we were meant to be frenemies. What could possibly go wrong with me in a month has always been my question. I have been expanding my territory of mishaps since childhood. This expansion of kingdom of mishaps happened from the moment I saw a shiny halo on my elder sister’s head and black wings sprouting on her back.

My pure faith in her and now her better half has bought me ruin. Yes, I have never fixed anything regarding or remotely related to technology ever! I have always relied on a mysterious creature called Didi. She comes in your life; makes you love and hate her, one moment you want to hug her and next moment strangle her like Othello did to Desdemona! So this creature comes with a devil bond, she helps you in your trouble but the price is they keep you ignorant, a handicap in the department of worldly ways. Oh yes this creature will smile and spell out her only policy- Keep Knowledge Exclusive!   

This is the sole reason I am in a love-hate relation with technology. I exist in the virtual world because of a laptop and few online readers who think I have potential. I hate to relay on my cell phone, but it has become an anthromorphic organ of me. It’s with me twenty four/seven and works as my pseudo-brain and consciousness!  It’s a bloody living being!

So what happens when your cell phone starts begging for software update and your laptop jerks and dances around its screen? A smart fool would shut his laptop down and use his cell phone for minimum requirement like its apocalypse and you are on fixed ration, an angry fool would throw each of the device and be done with them and an intellectual fool like me would try to think of not troubling her sibling and reset her laptop and starve her cell phone of updates.

So before one of the toughest examinations of my life I lose all my writing pieces of three years. In blink of an eye, my over, three hundred drabbles were done, dealt with, gone! Vanished! What do you do with a grumpy cell phone in your hand? You cry for first three hours, next five hours you yell you shout you hiss like a snake poked in its sleep. You walk around like a zombie howling at anything. Again you cry, cuss the large-scale capitalism not because you are a communist but because you read about capitalism in your last paper. This explosion of knowledge finds its only use in your heart that is filled with rude slangs. So yeah you blame capitalism for the ‘forced need’ on you, you bring out classic slangs and vent out. After that you sleep and when you wake up you are- blank.

There are two options when disasters happen and you are surviving, disaster here being the mental one. In real disaster you have only one option if you survive- live. After exploring my two options- to sulk or to move on, I had churned out sub-options under the Sulk.

I thought of hermit-hood, throw my laptop in river, break my cell phone burn it and let its ashes fly in air, pack my bags and go to Himalayas. But then I realized I won’t survive without money, warm clothes and meds. I thought of joining the Bauls or Sufi’s singing groups around my University. Wear those yellow or green kaftans, smoke bidi, drink cheap alcohol and roam around. I realized I cannot sing or dance though I am well exposed to idea of universal spirituality and cheap drink would kill me in pathetic way. Finally I turned to my old Hippie friends, I loved the idea of how I would enjoy smoking marijuana and travel with them around the world, living in a commune, free of thinking about looking good, wear big clothes, share food, drink ,smokes and lovers! Then I realized I am from a country which does not enjoy good market value of its currency and my family would die if they find me changing lovers every two days, nope can’t be in sin of patricide, matricide, sororicide, fratricide etc etc !

The next option being for me was move on, but since I am a literature person, easy path are not seen to us in first glance. I figured parallel methods to write; first of all I had long facebook status to vent out, a twitter filled with my rage and emails sent to my sister and brother-in-law! I had the perfect answer to all my problems. Write everything in mails and draft them! Mails don’t ask for updates, they don’t ask for space, they provide grammar check too! Finally my sister broke her silence and the divine intervention stopped me. The impossible possibilities’ is in my nature. I may be blessed with the power to destroy and corrupt my email too!

So I moved on.

Here we are back to Doflamingo, I have been so mad that I can’t do anything but laugh. I mean what can be worse than this right? Technology waging war on me like Hera did on poor souls! I reset my laptop again! Lose all my One Piece Episode in my hard disk! I will cry, wail, yell hiss and finally I just have to live in a collation with technology and download six ninety eight episodes of One Piece again!


P.S- One month away from twenty two and I feel so matured!           

thanking you to bear with me
paulOaries