a terrible painter, a dreamer, a rebel , a feminist and a self certified bisexual Witch. Who is always trying to visualize whats on the other side of the canvas she paints,just another human- Living alive Life. Now also a green tea addict.

Thursday, 2 October 2014

love and words..




Family is the basic unit of society- is something we learn in four walls of classroom and understand in our homes.  A single human with help of her family and friends grows bonds in to wide network of connections. Of all societal terms the most complex term in the world is 'Relationship'. A word that gains lots of prefixes and adjectives and gets more layers with time.

An average human life has numerous bonds with living organisms and non living things. Plenty get married, some marry their work, some worship their cell phones. Few have affair with god, thousands become parents while other stick to pets. We create an intrinsic network where we balance our life between alive and lifeless. The constant linchpin is our motion of life that keeps lifeless and life-filled engaged. 

Today we complete three years of our blog, like many of us know the purpose of this blog was vague. My only aim to write this blog was to complain about life. Only promise I made to this blog was I would write every month even if it was only one tiny drabble. Now my relationship with my blog has evolved to a different stage.

This relationship I developed with my blog is of platonic lovers. But the relationship happened like a typical arranged marriage in the country. My boredom and dis-contentment with life lead me to marry
 my blog. I can call myself the husband and my blog an ideal wife.
This year I have been like a husband who only makes love to his wife once a month out of duty conscious. He has no time for. Her because he is too busy to waste life in workplace and increase labour force. I feel ashamed that I have only typed words once a month.

I plan to have kids with her, the kids born will be different outlet of my creative experiments. But I am an impotent husband failing to have the desired result. But my blog is a faithful and tolerant wife, as she waits for me every month. Every process of writing I do is like the art of making love.
Ideas in mind mates with words  and I push out a new pieces in womb of my blog. I have plans to present here, but like every overworked husband I forget the dates and plans. How do I make my relationship more fruitful and happy? The  suggestion is simple make more love to your wife. I should write more.

I am not a faithful husband to my blog as I have had few flings and I keep a mistress who has been seducing me for a year now. I have produced stillborn children in few of the online writing forums and dedicated a lot of my love to fanfiction. I love my wife as she made me a 'man', she was the first I made love too. She also in her own way lead me to find my muses in my mistresses.
Instead of loving her whole heartedly I look happiness in abstract stories and borrowed characters in fanfiction. My wife has the right to write our Divorce papers, but I plead her to give me a chance, I will be dedicated to her. I want to love her, nuzzle in her warmth and smell the ink splattered on her. But when I procrastinate before her she seems distant and the white of her existence haunts me.

My muse that resided in her has at times refused to communicate with me. Now she pouts and looks away as I plead her to forgive me. When I married her, I always told her that if reality was my wife fiction was my mistress. She must agree to my unfaithfulness, because I love her most. 
My blog seems more real and my mistress grows in every new direction. The promise to consummate this marriage once a month at times dreads me. Sometimes I want to escape and hid behind various personas erected in last three years.

Yet a voice in my mind says that it was I who created this relationship, it was I who married with full consciousness. I wake up with ideas and it's in her bosom that I exhale out my lust for words. With this anniversary I promise to dedicate more time to her, love her more and work out this relationship. 
I cannot leave my mistress as she has caved open a new path for me. I will have flings as well but to my dearest wife I shall love you the most. All the paths that lead me to other muses came because you existed in first place. With this blog I became the person I am today and I hope the day I become successful she would claim the role of the woman behind me.

P.S-  In last three years, I have curved out three distinctive characteristics in me. I have become the strong advocate of LBGT Community and I proudly say I swing both ways (Yes I like male and female). Secondly I have nurtured my obsession with Japanese Manga/Anime culture to the point where I began penning fanfictions . With my one year in fanfiction I declare myself as an Otaku (Geek/Nerd). I will always be clueless. I discovered various aspects of me because of this blog. I shall blog till the last breath until death do us apart.

thanking you to bear with me
paulOaries.

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