a terrible painter, a dreamer, a rebel , a feminist and a self certified bisexual Witch. Who is always trying to visualize whats on the other side of the canvas she paints,just another human- Living alive Life. Now also a green tea addict.

Monday, 26 August 2013

drenched words.

“How much I craved for the sweetness of first drop. Every breeze blew the honey drops away. Now at the brink of desire, I felt the cold against the heat. The smell of the warm wet earth urges me to be at mercy of ecstasy. How much I craved for the miracle of rain.

Every thunder that cries makes my heart delight in joy. The first drops drumming the thirsty earth is symphony to my soul. The smell of wet earth nauseates me to be lost at my own thirst. Every rain reminds me of the time thoughts I had. The touch of drops sparks the desire I never explored.

I have died at the moment of hysteria, yet the last breath is infinite when the thought of you passes me by. No tears come when your face evaporates. Memories often limited, creates an emptiness which never burns but dries me every moment.  How much I have wished for you, drenched besides me.

Every drop shows the moment we could have, moment of our present. The kisses never tasted, the hands never held, the chill never shared, the passion to celebrate us never personified. I watch us fickle from each other, departing at smiles. Should my heart kiss away your life to preserve us, this moment?

Shall we wash way our punctuations, to begin with a new question mark? Will we wither in others need or choose to live in each other’s death.  A future seems bleached, a present mania never to be, let’s rest in our pasts. Will you let me wipe the last breathe, my dreams tied unto your nape.

Every melody showers on to me for the happiness we shared.  Desires get soaked in earth, our moment of eternity flickers. A blink is all we have, thoughts, dreams rush into lips. I trace you on my lips, I find you. My fingers desire to touch your last words and free you of your infliction.”

How much I craved for the honey dew. Every miracle remains frozen until next shower. Now the quenched heart feels heat awake the suppressed. The smell of warm wet earth engulfs me to the compassion of hope. How much I craved for you till the last drop.”

P.S- I am not bonkers, its rains fault.

Thanking you to bear with me


Saturday, 24 August 2013

Uniformly Uniformed

When whole country is busy watching scams, scandals, separatist demands and political parties slamming each other. Small events and incidents go unnoticed. In my last piece I had mentioned how my dear state is being raped and molested at hands of various ideologies. The reason behind separate state demand is driven by the fear of failing to preserve culture. Right now my thoughts are on other aspects of preserving so called culture.

A week before a College in Jorhat banned girls from wearing leggings as part of their uniform. The most common reason, the dress appears improper for a formal institution. This ban resulted in the girls protesting outside college and many were not allowed to attend classes. Similar ban was put in various colleges in Guwahati. Similar reactions were shown by the girls.

 All over Assam we have compulsory uniform system in almost all the colleges. A color code is given and both male and females are to wear uniform in this color code. In my limited knowledge about fabrics and clothes, Leggings is very similar to yoga pants, only it’s heavier in fabric. This article of clothing shows every shape and size of the legs which is often awkward to the conservative eyes and during rainy days it may show skin when one is drenched. I being a girl am not a fan of leggings. But again from my girl point of view I am against the idea of banning leggings. The girls protesting the ban have their own reasons. Mainly leggings are comfortable and ideal for rough use; it’s easier to move in them. In case of emergency one can run faster without tripping which is hard in case of salwar. It’s helpful in many other girly ways from being in wash room to the safety of never ting it around waist. If we have to choose a dress for daily convince every girl would pick leggings.

Had the ban been based on just the idea of honoring uniform, I would have settled for it. When I hear the twisted and orthodox ideals backing the ban, it drives me crazy. The history behind Uniform system was to make everyone equal in front of the educational institution despite the economic, social backgrounds of the students. A very noble thought had created this system. Alas at times like now I find it as a symbol of oppression.  I always had respect for uniforms they are a source of pride and belongingness. All this pure thoughts fly away when one finds the spirit of uniform is broken. 

One of the authorities speaking on television had said it was to preserve the culture and honor of woman. My question stands why we have to define culture by putting it on the shoulders of women. I always hear that our culture is being shattered by western dressing and ideas. So we levy the burden the culture on the women of society. Still in many schools we have young girls wearing saree as uniform. No doubt Saree, Salwar, Mekhela, Dokhona etc stands as a symbol of cultural heritage and tradition. But why don’t we have the same traditional dresses for the male of society. Why are our boys not wearing Dhoti, kurta,Gamsa respectively in our institutions but shirts and trousers?

The ban was put to keep the girls safe so, what are we trying indicate. We are indirectly blaming woman of provocation of immoral thoughts in others mind. A girl has to be careful; a girl has to be the one in charge of both her honor and the minds watching her. Banning of leggings has not only raised the question of honor, respect of a female, but what we are teaching. It also shows how we see a female in society; she is still defined by the clothes which are to represent her culture, tradition and ideals.  Isn’t our educational institute discriminating the women?  I may sound biased in my thoughts at present. Our tendency to hold culture and make woman carry her culture and pass it on others has delved deep into our hearts. Now this fear has grounded in our education system. Last year few Islamic colleges made head cover compulsory for woman. Another educational institution put a ban on jeans. All this was done in name of culture; is our culture is so shallow that we have to look below a girl’s waist to feel terrorized. This attitude shows our society has no self control hence instead of reforming the outlook we would rather cover the person in front of us. I do not support skin show in educational institutions. But banning something, which is need of the time and is convenient for all, is oppression in its grassroot level. Why should one look at others dress in first place? I am not asking to let us walk naked around, but let us be in what we are comfortable and feel safe in.

This news was shown for hardly for two days and made appearance in newspapers for some time. The way I look at this ban may be is derived from my strong feminist bent. It just becomes hard to gulp down when I watch a boy walk me by in jeans, just the college shirt and he is not warned. It hurts more when girls become the easy target to be made example of. Our college’s new security guard stands as the perfect example of this attitude. Girls who sometimes come in civil dress are held back from entering time to time. He finds it hard to let improperly dressed girls enter college premises; whereas boys in half uniforms are not stopped. Isn’t it the perfect example?

I am against this form of chauvinism; chauvinism may be a too harsh word to describe this home grown habit. People find it natural to point out where a girl falters and easier to captivate her thoughts, ideas and movements. I have no remedy to suggest but hope that educational institutions stop being so medieval and orthodox in their approach. If it’s all about morality and honor of student, then why don’t we teach our morality mind to respect woman the way she is. Sometimes I feel it’s true a woman is not born but made.

The banning of leggings for me is like a slap to my choice of life. The incident may not be significant, but when the whole country has seen brutal rapes, molestations, chauvinistic attacks on woman. This small incident of banning; still it is enough to show how far our patriarchal thoughts run in. Educational institution must be strict, but they should be considerate and far sighted at the consequence of their decisions.  Like the new security guard, every other human will start to hold back woman from developing if bans are put on everything in which she feels liberated. I have my full support to fellow girls who are still protesting against the ban. Culture should never be a reason to oppress; no culture can progress if it falls in limbo and fails to progress with time.

P.S-  I hate our new security guard.

Thanking you to bear with me


Thursday, 15 August 2013

Season of Bandhs.

 Assam the land of natural beauty, home of number of ethnic culture, tribe and language is where I grew up. If one grew up in this exotic state, they get used to the word- Bandh. Yes the day when suddenly some rebel group or some political party asks the people to stop their regular course of work.  From July 14th, starts the season of Bandh till 15th of August which happens to be our Independence Day.  Bandh has become a natural part of our existence.  It’s an extended summer vacation which includes the monsoon too.  I was born in the year when season of Bandh was at its peak point. So our generation grew up learning the names of rebel groups, various political parties and symbols.  Right now we are enduring the very season of Bandh in this state.
Fun fact about Bandh, it was a harmless protest weapon highlighted by Mahatma Gandhi against British Rule. He used it as a method to handicap British economy and to show our disobedience against foreign rule. Once a noble instrument, now harmful dieses with no cure. It hollows our economy, halts our academic progress, cuts out our communication with outer world. The Bandh is no longer peaceful, you never know when the next bomb may blast.
My fellow country man must have been following the bulletins about the ongoing feud taking place in our state and some nearby states. With the advent of Telangana proposals, the demand for separate states of Bodoland and Kamtapur got ignited. So here we have two tribes with varied culture and language asking for separate states.  Bodo people have been asking a fifty-fifty division of state, where as Coch-Rajbongshi’s are rebuking the demand of Bodoland and placing Kamtapur above all. Now in their hypothetical map includes my small city. Yes my city is the apple of discord right now. Economically sound, it’s the future educational hub of lower Assam and is industrial too. So we are at stakes , people want their own state with their own people the “locals” free of immigrants. They want isolation and no encroachment in their closed well knit state.  Then we have another set of people Rabha-Hasong claiming their territory over RHC elections. There is dispute and I see peace is far from sight.
As a kid I use to pray for Bandhs to escape school, but now I pray to escape Bandhs.  Every year we miss considerable number of days in school and college days. Travelling to institution on a Bandh day is an adventure. We have never had a proper celebration of Independence Day or Republic Day. We grew up with a fear that very next moment we may be dead if we step out. Everyone wants their own state own identity, isolation and honor. People die every year in bomb blasts, they are not the agencies of government, they are the very common man. The blood brothers and sister. What do they want to with a land which is underdeveloped and will they use it as burial ground or burn their deads in the great cause of seeking a state. I often wonder what Assam is to everybody, is it a Cake from which everyone wants a piece. We already are small state, why to divide it further?
We Assamese have a very bad reputation outside the realm of north-east. We are branded as cannibals, snake eaters, drug abusers, skimpy clothe wearing bunch of moral less humans. Often asked “how do you live there?” People have an image that rebels, terrorists every other antagonist walks with naked guns in public. This is the image we have in our very own country. 
Instead of trying tearing apart our land and creating mini-states, we should educate our young ones. We should develop; drag the school dropouts and college dropouts back on path of education. If we are so worried about our culture being Lost, we should teach our children about our past, achievements, language and culture. Isolation will never help us to grow; it will restrict our growth of thought and views. Isolation is never an option, awareness and exchange of knowledge of different cultures will unite us and help us develop. If every tribe and group seeks, sovereignty, state, in the end we have to plea to save Assam.
Yes all this has made me sad, today there was no Bandh, but people were careful not go out, two bomb blast took place, I did not go to college in fear of being killed. My whole education life may cripple down if people don’t stop being selfish, we have to see the bigger good. Few power hungry leaders are trying blind us in name of common identity and a utopia free of encroachments where our identity is intact.  We need interaction and communication to develop. We need a healthy environment where we can walk free not in fear of death or being homeless or being branded immigrant. We need harmony, the country  has seen us fighting, we have good percentage of literacy rate, we have various scope to increase our economic growth, we have great talents and platform for greater success. But we are blinded by the mirage that we can develop better if we get separated. Why can’t we accept the simple fact, no one is ever going to question our identity or ask us of our origin, if people get separate states it will be filled with people suffering from xenophobia.  Once separated no one will trust each other and finally stop communication and drown the very great idea of self reliance and self development. Each state will become a rival and each individual clutching to their bits of land and doom the already doomed nation of odium.

The essential question, that has been troubling me ever since I realized the bitter side of this unrest. “Where, do I stand in all this? Where is my existence? I am a Bengali born in Assam, hence I am not Assamese speaking Assamese. Bodoland might have no place for me, Kamtapur might have no place for me. In their isolation where will we go, we are the identity less Assamese in fear of losing our home. Where do I go my landmates? 

P.S- happy independence day beloved country.

thanking you to bear with me