This post might sound repetitive and my anger may look futile. Still I will write and vent out my anger.
A few days back after my beloved cell phone returned from care shop, I decided to check in my watsapp and change the display picture. So I put a picture of my short legs in my red kitten heel peep toe. The picture had no hidden motive but a decision out of my random nature. Honestly I love my small short toned legs and I love those kitten heel. These are the only shoes I have ever bought with my own pocket money. I simply love the pair.
My walking mate thought that these were new pair but they are four year old. Off course she loved the shoes she is a girl too. But a certain someone of my acquaintance is on watsapp too. This certain someone had been sent a picture of my beloved Goldie. Instead replying about Goldie I got a question followed by a statement. I was asked if my picture was an erotic sensual display of skin. I got a suggestion from them that, I should make the same picture my display picture in Facebook I would get many likes. The person found it plain skin show and nothing more. Off course he said it out care, honestly this kind of concern can’t be digested.
People often take it upon themselves to keep the morals of society. My legs in red shoes had nothing to do with anyone’s thinking. When I retorted back saying that certain someone had a dirty mind and a cheap attitude. Then they found it hurting. So how do I feel when I am insulted by untamed words created out of concern? The problem with people is they think they are right for everyone. Yes you are right in your shoes but not in mine. Concern for others is good, but if you lack basic control on words, one should resist advising. Yes I am really angry, I hate it when people try to tell me I am not proper. If my mother, sister, father, brother in law who are also in watsapp have no problem with my display picture, none should have any. If I am not so called proper I am lectured by the great women of my life. I should make it strictly clear if you are not my family and close friends you should keep your words in your throat. Had my sister told the picture is not good, I would have removed it. The words used to describe my photograph were vulgar. If beauty lies in the eyes of beholder, than ugly lies in the mouth of speaker. Certain someone said the words of elders should be heeded, well then elders should stop making younger feel dirty, cheap and low life with their unrefined display of concern. When I am hurt I can really make the person responsible even more bitter. Well my words in return were rude, hurting but I don’t regret saying them.
The words certain someone had said were result of the patriarchal mind set up. The words appeared like I had put the picture up for provocation. We have always given the girls the limitations, when that limitations are crossed we tend restrain them. If a guy had put his shoes with his legs in it , it wouldn’t have been termed erotic rather something to make a joke out of. Our outlook towards female and male body is drastically opposite. If a guy roams around without any t-shirt, bare upper body, people will taunt him by saying “Hero banne chala” that means he is out to be hero. What happens if a girl roams around bare upper body? We will have various imaginations right now. If my display of short legs in red shoes were erotic we can guess what would happen. We paint women nude in our quest for aesthetic satisfaction, poets have described women in various color. Our temples are filled with sculpture of men and women making love. Yet when question comes to honor of family, we will bind her, cover her, and if she expresses desire to fly she is branded corrupt. How hypocritical we are, I feel ashamed of my existence. This innate tendency of ours to blame the women and branding her and telling her you are not proper is stupid. Who are we to tell others you are not proper? The definition of proper has changed over time. Concern, care, love, honor none gives anyone the right to use words that disgust the very existence of self.
To the people who think they are guiding the people and advise them disregarding the feelings of others, should have a tongue to taste their own medicine. It’s our life, our methods to express ourselves . We can express our happiness in red shoes, our sadness in old John Lennon T-shirt, our anger in candles, our hopes in empty tea cups. Our methods our expression, it’s none’s way, if we don’t understand we should ask it not pass judgments around.
P.S- yes I am angry, I feel the victim of patriarchal thoughts whenever people comment on the moral codes of proper against me or any other person irrespective of the person is a he , she or both.
thanking you to bear with me paulOaries