a terrible painter, a dreamer, a rebel , a feminist and a self certified bisexual Witch. Who is always trying to visualize whats on the other side of the canvas she paints,just another human- Living alive Life. Now also a green tea addict.

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Confused till next year...



                                 Every one faces a problem in there life about the choices they have. But today I have second thought regarding the choices I have made. Being a clear head and knowing what I  want, was never me. I was planned always, but never clear in sight.
                      I  always chose what I felt, and  made the best out of limited. Always being a rebel has proved my brains are in my knees, I supported  Humanities over Science.  Erasing out the possibility of Being the fourth Engineer in family .
 Yesterday I had an interesting    talk with my Professor  regarding studies and my uncomfortable attitude  for Pink College...., well of course I want to leave Pink College next year, I really don't want to loose my one whole year. But again my closest Friends have suggested to Leave this College. Its not that I am very good student, but I don't want this.  God I am so confused, I don't know what I am boring You about.
                            But the main reason and problem of my head is, Am I Studying the Right Subject???I chose English as my Major subject.  Everyone said it was the best option for a student from Humanities.  Being in Top Five in my school made me think I was on the right Subject. But I wonder if I did the right choice......
                     To me studies are top priority but this priority is little blur. I want to Graduate, do Masters, I want to teach in Colleges... but I fail to see that I am not excited about the subject I love,... Rather I am still Angry that my luck who kicked my ambition of studying in the Best University of the country. I was so near to grasp my dream, when the Boat turned around. Again I should be great full to Pink College to give me a seat at last moment, (a month later). Still I feel nothing, I am so mean....
                                         This year has been heaven and hell for me.... but but but, Time doesn't heel anger, that's against no one- this proves I am not mature....
    Moral of the Story is  - that never let your small and happy dreams go big by your loving, overprotective, supportive family... ( no more, nothing about them, they tried to give me best sorry Didam and Papa)
               My aim was One particular University, this little good result of Finals made me greedy for more, so I applied  for so many Institutes, . Hence I forgot my true calling....
                     I want to know if I should opt for other subject Like, History, Sociology, Political Science or Theology ( if any College does offer major ) next year. All I know, is I want to study, but what I want to study?????  I am so Damn confused.................

P.S- so confused.... HELP

thanking you to bear with me
paulOaries

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